This post was originally written in May 2018, and sent to close friends and acquaintances. I’m publishing it here again, adding in some more of my insights on change that I learned along my travels and studies.
My life in these past 18 months have been enriching, transformative and adventurous. And it’s been an awakening that cannot be left unshared.
I believe everyone has the ability to revel in connection and dive deeper to connect with their beautiful, infinite, fiery source that guides them. Sometimes, we forget that we always have access to this source within us that holds everything we want to manifest in our lives. And sometimes, it gets hidden or ignored and we need to do some work to dig it up again. This is where my path took a turn more than a year a go.
I took a leap of faith to mindfully disconnect from a stable job, good income and a community of energized, good hearted humans who have always supported me. I feared losing touch with who I was because of an even bigger fear of changing and the uncertainty of who I would possibly become. My life seemed just fine, it checked all the boxes—good job, good income, good flat, good people. But these things didn’t make me happy. It was a life that had been defined by someone else’s meaning of success and happiness. And I realized that my work had acquired my narrative.
My life seemed good, but it didn’t feel good. I had put myself in a secure auto-pilot. I accepted and endured the demands of my job, thinking that “this is how it’s supposed to be”. I got lost in the illusion of a system and false guarantees. But I kept feeling a deep desire to create. And I saw that my current life wasn’t nurturing my creativity. Naturally, a need for change kept knocking. I needed to take a chance, reclaim my story and create a new narrative for myself.
I was infatuated with change. So much so, I decided to study it! Within a few weeks, I wrapped up my life in Brooklyn and booked a one way ticket to Amsterdam where I started my Master’s course in Culture and Organizational Management. I studied how the social, political and economic systems inherent in our lives were built and how they affect our collective psychology. And how badly they need to be reinvented (surprise!). I focused on change management, community development and inclusive design. I conducted research on how to apply these elements in creating new, sustainable organizational structures, cultures and lifestyles that foster meaningful engagement and nurtures our higher self.
My studies went beyond the books and my learnings reached new horizons. I worked with the best community in the heart of Amsterdam and learned the value of inclusive design. I took singing lessons with a German rock star and reconnected with my true voice. I painted and made a bunch of art, finding ways to express my inner world through different mediums. I went to Italy and learned how to make pasta from a true Italian nona! I sailed in Sicily with local fisherman in the bluest waters I’ve ever seen and said YES to life (and countless cannonballs). I hiked through Icelandic terrain and stared in awe of the gifts that nature has given us to thrive. I cooked with a budding Michelin star chef and understood the universality in team work, transparency and collaboration. I revived my passion for photography and reveled in nostalgia. I took my first flight lesson and steered through the skies. I traveled to 12 countries over 12 months and experienced the oneness we all carry no matter our cultural boundaries. Through all of the adventures and constant movement, I learned that you can always go deeper into relaxation and effortlessly reconnect to your source.
I also wrote, A LOT, and every day. Writing became the voice of my spirit and guided me towards consciousness. Through extensive writing and self reflection, it became clear to me that my thought processes, behaviors and perspectives weren’t serving me anymore. From this awareness, I made my next choice to change my practices that would serve and nurture a healthier, fully embodied ‘me’. I could write a whole book about these realizations and new practices. But the main thing I learned was that change doesn’t need to be a dramatic, difficult pursuit. It can be done with ease and in small ways. And it all starts with having the awareness that you always have a choice. You get to deicide how you want to experience the precious time we have on our planet. And that going into uncertainty is not scary, but sometimes necessary to reclaim the narrative of your life. It could take me a while to fully express and reflect on what I learned in these past 18 months, but this quote I stumbled upon says it quite well:
“We don’t have to seek new economic systems. We have to transform the people who run them.”
-Sadhguru
Change is all about participation and fully trusting yourself to contribute your full expression. Like change, participation is also a choice. And you can make small shifts from what you’re used to doing, and mindfully, and with ease, move into creating new practices that bette serve what you want to do next. Whatever we are seeking is within us. And we do need to make the effort to listen to that voice coming straight from our fiery source. All we need to do is make the choice to access our source, and allow its authentic expression to unfold. Through this, change gracefully presents itself.
A lot of people felt uncomfortable when I chose to leave my job. They felt even more uncomfortable when I told them that I didn’t know what I would be doing. I felt the discomfort within my self. But not for leaving behind an old life, rather, from the excitement of moving forward and creating a new beginning. Through it all, step by step, I’m creating a life that honors who I am and nurtures my full authentic expression. This “full expression” thing is a new muscle that I’m flexing. My intention is to pay it forward, and hold space for you to allow your fullest expression.
I learned a lot of lessons about change along my journey, and I’m going to continue writing about them in more depth on my blog. I’m also continuing my research in organizational psychology, creating organizational values, starting new conversations about changing our culture and achieving a higher collective consciousness. Of course, I will keep writing about my learnings about all of the above and make some art in between.